‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’
Asking myself ‘How can you stop at every single step?’

Day-to-day activities become a challenge,
For everything now, I have to prep.

A fourteen-year-old boy can’t tell
Of the sudden fears and checking locks,
The insecurity eating the calm, Every day,
It becomes hard to put on those socks.

The first line has been a constant.

For all these years I have lived with you,
Building courage to – be normal.

For every minute incident, I have that guilt due.

Six years in passing, those urges grew,
Locks, to things, to walk and think,
I am reminded to put on my mask,
People have started to notice my brink.

I am not breaking, I won’t break,
I can understand these fears are just an illusion.

Maybe this mask is a positive facade,

To find my rational in seclusion.

-Saurabh Kulkarni